The whoosh of the bus......

At the bus stop with my kids yesterday afternoon and today I began thinking about whoosh of the bus and the feelings it brings about in me.......

The whoosh was coined by my awesomely insightful Aspy Lilly. The whoosh is the sound the school bus makes as it brakes to come down the hill toward our bus stop.

The Morning Whoosh-
In the morning as I hear the whoosh I am first thinking how much I will miss my girlies, and hope they have a good day. (and to be truely honest some days after tuff morning i do feel relief that they off to school for the day) But, I try to pretend that does not ever happen! LOL

Then as the bus comes to a stop I often worry what challenges their day will bring, and whether I will get good reports when they get home. I am blessed that I love my kids school and have 100% faith in them. But, I feel a piece of me leaves with them when they board the bus. Giving that control up to the school is not easy! I wonder if that is due to my illness and being separated from them or if this us a normal mom feeling. I am so glad to see my girls growing up, and emotionally able to separate from me and go to school successfully. But at the same time I feel the pull at my heart knowing that they are departing from me more and more!

So that is my feeling with the morning whoosh!

The Afternoon Whoosh!
Now the afternoon whoosh yesterday is what started me thinking of this topic! There are so many more strong emotions and unknowns in the afternoon bus whoosh! My first thought as I wait at the corner waiting for the whoosh is excitement to see my girls and hug them. The the next is the anticipation..... Wondering if they will have good things to report, will they have a great day or hard one? Will they be all smiles or all tears? And with my Lilly at 1 glance I can tell whether it is gonna be a tuff afternoon and evening or if it might be slightly calm.

And then lastly as silly as it sounds I am always worried that they both will actually get off the bus or if something would have happened to them. Again, not sure if that is due to me being apart from them or if it is a normal mommy thing!

But, as soon as my girls get off the bus and I have them in my arms, (or Lilly rushing by me or throwing herself at me) happy, sad, mad or in a defiant mood, it a no longer matter and occupies my mind........

The Whoosh of the bus has safely taken my girls to school and brought my sweet little cuties home to me! And that is the best feeling the whoosh gives!!!!

:-)

Lost

so since my coma I often feel lost. I get lost as to who I am and where I want to go and what I want to do. Often I feel as though I am not me. I lack passion for things I used to have it for. And I am passionate about others things that I was not before.

I wish I knew how to find myself again.....I hope I find myself sometime!

1st Blog-My New Perspective

So, I have decided to try daily blogging to get my feelings out. Here is my first official blog.

I had a wonderful day today. I spent time imersed in pretend play with my girls. They are so awesome-all 3of them. They have such different personalities and quirks that mnake them so uniquely wonderful.

I would never wish what I went through with my coma on anyone, but I will say I wish others could have the perspective I do. I savor every minute with my girls and derive so much pleasure from it. It is a feeling I can not put into words, but I wish everyone could know how precious life is and how much every minute of it should be valued!

My Autism Poem!

                                         I Hate Autism!

By: Kelly Tunstall-Mom of a wonderful daughter on the autism spectrum and an Autism Clinical Supervisor

                               

-Once it hooks are in, it does not want to let go,

-It hits hard and packs a mighty blow.

-It does not care if it's victim are rich or poor,

-Regardless of race or status it still comes knocking at the door,

-It slowly strips hopes and dreams away,

-But, frustration and disappointment will stay.

-Just when it seems things are improving and it's victim is getting ahead,

-It sticks it's claws in deeper and adds changes to make life harder instead.

-It silent and it's sneaky and creeps in without a sound,

-And it hurts families of the victim and anyone else around.

-That is why I hate autism to the fiber of my being,                                                                                 -I hate autism and the pain that it inflicts, that I am way too familiar with seeing.

-But, I will not sit back and let autism come out on top,

-I will fight back and do everything I can to make it's rain of terror stop.

-I fight for all those affected that I work with and I see autism touch,

-But most of all I fight for my dear daughter who I love so very much.

-In my dreams I can snap my fingers and all the pain autism causes will be gone.

-And a wonderful day without autism's terror will dawn.

-And so armed with education, therapy and hope I fight for that wonderful day,

-When I no longer hate autism and because of my fighting, the pain of autism has gone away.

-But, until that day does come for me and you,

-I will not give up on the hopes and dreams that I wish to come true.

-For my daughter and clients I will not sit back idly and let autism take over and seep in,             -With guidance, therapy, acceptance and love those affected with autism who I care about will WIN!!!